minime28
Monday, June 06, 2005
life is like a boat
A typical lazy saturday morning and I congratulated myself on not having to work weekends. So I was reading the news when someone just barged into the room and started scolding and nagging me on some nonsense that have been repeated 100s of times. It was just plain provocation and really uncalled for, still i kept quiet. Right after the onslaught, a sms came in and it was a colleague asking if i was free to cover his assignment.
At that point i just lost it. I switched off the phone and threw it into the drawer. Then grab a book and went out.
I sat down at BK and read the whole day. I cooled down a little and it helps that the book(The Seville Communion) is quite engaging. I also did some self-reflection. Some people have commented on my quiet and proud personality and how i shrugged off criticism. I want to be like a robot without a heart but the problem is i am not. That behaviour is just a mask to protect myself. Little things can upset me. I get very affected by work, love and family issues and sometimes i struggle to recover. At times i just feel the blues. I felt very lonely that sat afternoon.
A day later and a blue morning. I published some blogs that have been sitting as draft for some time, then continue with my book. It's late night now and i am feeling deflated. My phone is still sitting in the drawer. This is something new for me, mobile switched off for the entire weekend. No mood to go turn it on, I will do so tomorrow.
I dream of disappearing to a place where no one knows me. Maybe abroad..somewhere near the sea. Where i can enjoy the sun, eat my apples, read my book and listen to Keith Jarrett the whole day without anybody disturbing me. Back to reality, hope tomorrow will be better.
Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?
~Rie Fu
At that point i just lost it. I switched off the phone and threw it into the drawer. Then grab a book and went out.
I sat down at BK and read the whole day. I cooled down a little and it helps that the book(The Seville Communion) is quite engaging. I also did some self-reflection. Some people have commented on my quiet and proud personality and how i shrugged off criticism. I want to be like a robot without a heart but the problem is i am not. That behaviour is just a mask to protect myself. Little things can upset me. I get very affected by work, love and family issues and sometimes i struggle to recover. At times i just feel the blues. I felt very lonely that sat afternoon.
A day later and a blue morning. I published some blogs that have been sitting as draft for some time, then continue with my book. It's late night now and i am feeling deflated. My phone is still sitting in the drawer. This is something new for me, mobile switched off for the entire weekend. No mood to go turn it on, I will do so tomorrow.
I dream of disappearing to a place where no one knows me. Maybe abroad..somewhere near the sea. Where i can enjoy the sun, eat my apples, read my book and listen to Keith Jarrett the whole day without anybody disturbing me. Back to reality, hope tomorrow will be better.
Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?
~Rie Fu
posted by 桔梗, 1:30 AM
